Today’s guests are Vanessa and Xander Marin, Vanessa  is a licensed psychotherapist and has spent over 20 years as a sex therapist. She has bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University and a master’s degree in counseling psychology. Xander is a regular dude who left a cushy career in tech once he realized it was more fun to talk about sex with his wife all day. He’s here to show you that you don’t need a graduate degree or a license to have extraordinary communication skills—you just need to have an open mind and willingness! Vanessa and Xander also host of the highly popular Pillow Talks podcast where they share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. In this episode we discuss how to maintain emotional connection during your relationship, how to get the “spark back” if you are feeling disconnected from your partner, the relationship between physical and emotional intimacy, how to improve your sex life with your partner, why gratitude is so effective for improving relationships, how to know if you’re relationship is stale and much more. While, this episode covers some mature content, it’s intended for educational purposes and to help you improve the relationship with yourself and/or your partner

Thanks to this episode’s sponsor:

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What to Listen For:

  • 00:00 Intro
  • 02:08 Maintaining emotional connection during a relationship
  • 04:32 How to get the “spark” back in a relationship
  • 07:35 Why is diving back into memories effective for rebuilding emotional connection
  • 09:17 Does sex lead to emotional connection?
  • 11:35 How long should you wait before getting intimate in a relationship?
  • 14:36 Does chemistry in the bedroom matter?
  • 17:05 Your sex life shouldn’t be a fairytale
  • 18:36 Why is it weird to talk about sex?
  • 20:54 Has Vanessa and Xander ever lost attraction for each other?
  • 26:02 Is your relationship stale?
  • 29:16 How do you know if your relationship is healthy? 
  • 31:18 Discovering your interests in the bedroom
  • 32:38 Initiating sex with your partner
  • 36:28 Communicating your needs to your partner
  • 43:22 Biggest “turnoffs” in a relationship
  • 46:31 What to do if your partner doesn’t want to work on the relationship
  • 49:42 Dealing with resentment in a relationship
  • 50:19 How to flirt with your partner
  • 52:22 Exploring new things with your partner


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